sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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