dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
