If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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