After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize