I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
