SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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