u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
