Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
