I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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