I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
