we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
