Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
