i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
