so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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