ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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