Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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