am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
