THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
