Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
