On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
