My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
