I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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