How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
