Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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