LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
