either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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