i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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