He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
