I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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