Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
