So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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