the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
