i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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