my phone cant type all the emotion im having
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
