my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
