Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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