so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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