you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
