ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Alive.
So much puke
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
