Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
