You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize