Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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