I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
