I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
