he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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