I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
