Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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