Screwed.edu
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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