could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
