I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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