You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
