Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize