And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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