if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
