update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize