u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
