I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize