were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
