A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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