sarcasm needs its own font
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
