It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
