my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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