I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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