did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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