Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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