he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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